Couponing for Dummies

Today is Sunday, which means two things – one, I have an arse load of laundry to do and two, I need to go buy a newspaper so I can check out the sale ads and attempt to cut out some coupons. I say attempt because I don’t really get this whole couponing craze. I mean, I get that it’s saving money and rah-rah, that’s awesome, I just don’t get how to do it. Or why really. I watch these shows on TLC where people have enough toilet bowl cleaner and canned pineapple to last six years andall I see is an organized episode of hoarders.

I’ve tried to jump on the band wagon. I’ve read tutorials, bought extra newspapers, went to coupon swaps – hell, I even signed up (and went!!) to an extreme couponing class last winter. On a Friday night nonetheless. I took notes, I paid close attention, but when it came time to actually utilize all my new found knowledge…. nada. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete idiot, I can – and will - cut a coupon and save 50 cents off a roll of paper towels like anybody else, I just can’t figure out how Susie Homemaker on the register next to me at Target can manage to walk out with seventeen bags and a $3 bill when I’ve spent six times that and all I have to show is a 12 pack of Charmin and some garbage bags.

              

 

Maybe I just don’t have the extreme couponing gene in me. Maybe I’m just cynical. Either way, I don’t see how, when, or why one person would ever possibly need fifteen tubes of toothpaste – free or not. One lady I met at the couponing class said she stocks up on stuff in case of an emergency. Okay. I can respect that…. kind of. But if there is some catastrophic disaster (i.e. the Mayans weren’t full of shit), the last thing I’m going to be worried about is whether or not my mouth is minty fresh. Nobody is going to barge into my house to loot and be stopped short a blast of my Crest:

“You! Yes, you there! Masked intruder! Halt, for I have fresh breath!Hands off my generator and canned goods!”

No. If people really want to prepare for the apocalypse, Red Plum needs to start putting coupons in there for BOGO hand guns or something.