I haven’t updated in months.
I wish I could blame it solely upon trying to keep up with the kids, the house, work – life in general – but really, I blame my absence on my damn iPhone. I’m one of the “lucky” ones who is still locked into an unlimited data package. That means I can surf the web on my beloved cell phone ANYTIME my little heart desires… which tends to be any free time that I’m lucky enough to get. No time to blog, I’ve got too much candy to crush (side note: curse you, makers of that game)!!
But things are changing. I’m going to have lots of free time on my hands apparently.
I lost my job this week.
Gone.
No paycheck.
No health insurance.
No paycheck.
Did I mention no paycheck?
To say I’m freaking the fuck out is an understatement.
I’ve been busy updating my resume (because of course my most recent one was saved on my personal drive at work), searching for open positions, panicking, and hoping I win the Powerball jackpot tonight. I had a pretty decent paying job, really decent for what is out there, and everything I’ve found to apply for pays roughly $7 less per hour. Taking that big of pay cut means I can’t afford daycare. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I haven’t told any of my family, I’m not ready for the criticism and the questions of “what are you going to do?!?” because honestly…. I don’t KNOW what I’m going to do. The kids are with their dad this weekend and I do not look forward to breaking it to them tomorrow that I will be pulling them out of daycare in two weeks when the school year ends. They have been looking so forward to the summer program – swim lessons and field trips every week – and now I have to tell them they’ll be home instead. I’m trying to be optimistic, hoping that I can find something soon and they can go back before summer is over. My best friend told me I should look at it as a opportunity to spend time with Reagan before she starts kindergarten this fall and that’s what I’m trying to do. And though I know the kids will be bummed they’re missing out on all the fun their friends are having at school, I also know that they love me and will love spending so much time with me. I think I’m just having a hard time feeling like I failed them. Mom Guilt is in full-force right now.
